Hey Coach, What Impact Do You Have On Your Players?
This guide is designed to help coaches like you promote respect and equality, reduce violence and identify signs of abuse among your players.
First, do you coach boys or girls?
Promote Respect & Equality
6 THINGS YOU CAN DO THIS SEASON
BOYS
Promote Respect & Equality
6 THINGS YOU CAN DO THIS SEASON
GIRLS
Promote Respect & Equality This Season
Only an extremely small percentage, and likely none of the boys you coach, will go on to play professional sports. Almost all of them will go on to be a boyfriend, partner or husband. Athletics provides both a platform to instill competitiveness, grit and hard work, as well as an understanding of healthy relationships and respect for women and girls.
Here are six things you can do this season.
Create and enforce expectations
Make it clear that players will respect all people from every culture and background.
Call out sexist comments
When you hear language from players that is disrespectful towards women — CALL THEM OUT. Your silence condones the behavior.
Incorporate female leadership
Invite a female coach, trainer or former athlete to work with your team. This sends a clear message about the value of women in athletics.
Host a fun event for mom
Honor the important women in the lives of the boys on your team. This could be a brunch, pizza party or BBQ. Make sure mothers aren’t responsible for planning, cooking or serving at the event.
Create a new team award
Create an award for the player who contributed most to creating a positive team culture. This makes it clear that winning isn’t the only goal in athletics.
Promote nonviolence
Explain to your athletes that intensity is a valued part of sports, but you should never use violence or aggression to harm or dominate people.
Promote Respect & Equality This Season.
For a few hours every week, you shape the culture that your athletes experience. You can ensure this culture is positive and fosters confidence in young women and promotes an understanding of healthy relationships. Young women and girls are inundated with messages that link appearance and sexuality to a women’s worth. Athletics provides an unparalleled platform to challenge the harmful messages that girls receive.
Here are six things you can do this season.
Create and enforce expectations
Make it clear that players will respect all people from every culture and background.
Stand up for your girls
When you hear language from parents, adults or players that is disrespectful towards women and girls — CALL THEM OUT. Silence only tells young girls that this behavior is OKAY. Let the girls on your team know that they deserve to be treated with respect.
Promote confidence
Let girls know that who they are as people is more important than their appearance.
Encourage female leadership
Invite a female coach, trainer or former athlete to work with your team. Research show it’s critical for girls to interact with strong, athletic female role models.
Create a new team award
Create an award for the player who contributed most to creating a positive team culture. This makes it clear that winning isn’t the only goal in athletics.
Set the bar high
Aim high with your team. Female athletes deserve to be challenged and valued just as much as male athletes.
Be aware of the impact you have on your boys.
On the Sideline
- Treat your players with respect and kindness.
- Keep your cool even in heated moments.
- Respect your opponents and officials.
- Do not YELL at your players.
- Be aware of your tone. Keep your voice positive, not tense or negative.
- Remember winning is only one of your goals as a coach.
- Coach for success ON and OFF the field.
Shape Your Language
Your players listen — whether your language is appropriate or not.
- Keep it positive
Use positive direction instead of negative frustration.
Stay away from coaching statements like, “C’MON! That was awful!”
Try this instead, “Press quicker next time!” - Don’t disrespect women and girls
When motivating players don’t say, “Man up!”, “Hey ladies!” or “You’re playing like a girl!” These statements send a clear message: Women are weak. Men are powerful. The LAST thing you want to be is a GIRL. Messages like these contribute to our current culture of violence where 1 in 5 girls will be sexually abused before age 18. - Use compassionate language
Encourage healthy expression of emotion and pain from your athletes. Show that you care about your players on and off the field.
Teachable Moments
Young boys are surrounded by TV and internet media that send distorted messages about women and girls. Counteract these with teachable moments that promote the
value of women.
- Promote women’s sports
“Did you watch that hard fought game in the women’s world cup last night?” - Show respect
Talk to the mothers and other important women in the lives of your players; many of them may have been athletes themselves. Share with your team, “Mike, I didn’t realize your mom used to be such a great hockey player.” - Promote healthy relationships
“Boys, I expect you to listen to each other, care for each other and work together at all times on this team. This goes for off the court, too. Treat your friends and everyone you have a relationship with in the same way.”
Be aware of the impact you have on your girls.
On the Sideline
- Treat your players with respect and kindness.
- Keep your cool even in heated moments.
- Respect your opponents and officials.
- Do not YELL at your players.
- Be aware of your tone. Keep your voice positive, not tense or negative.
- Remember winning is only one of your goals as a coach.
- Coach for success ON and OFF the field.
Shape Your Language
Your players listen — whether your language is appropriate or not.
- Keep it positive
Use positive direction instead of negative frustration.
Stay away from coaching statements like, “C’MON! That was awful!”
Try this instead, “Press quicker next time!” - Don’t disrespect women and girls
When motivating players don’t say, “Quit playing with your hair and get in there!” or “You’re playing like a girl!”
These statements send a clear message:
Women are weak. Women are vain. Women have less value than men.
Messages like these contribute to our current culture of violence where 1 in 5 girls will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18. - Use compassionate language
It’s healthy for players to show emotion and pain. Encourage it. Don’t shut it down.
Teachable Moments
Young girls are surrounded by TV and internet media that send distorted messages about body image and gender roles. Counteract these messages by promoting the equal value of women.
- Promote women’s sports
“Did you girls watch that hard fought game in the women’s world cup last night?” - Show respect
Talk to the mothers and other important women in the lives of your players; many of them may have been athletes themselves. Share with your team, “Jessie, I didn’t realize your mom used to be such a great hockey player.” - Promote healthy relationships.
“Girls, I expect you to respect each other. The best relationships have basic tenants of respect and equality. This is true off the court, too. If someone isn’t respecting you, that’s not OKAY. Whether it’s with your friend, partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, you always deserve to be treated well.”
The average coach encounters three abused youth each season.
This could include sexual abuse, physical abuse or witnessing domestic violence at home. These are complex issues, you are not expected to have all the answers. With some basic information you could potentially save a life.
Basic Warning Signs That You Should Dig Deeper.
If you notice these behavioral changes with one of your players, talk with them and see what’s going on.
Violence at Home
- Irrational fear
- Blaming themselves excessively
- Fatigue and constant tiredness
- General aches and pains
- Nervousness
- Acting overly aggressive and tough
- Self-injury
- Anxiety and depression
- Withdrawn or disengaged
- Fear of closeness and intimacy
- Drastic mood swings
- Thinks of self or body as repulsive
A child abuse case is reported every
10 seconds.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
MOST INSTANCES OF
CHILD ABUSE
GO UNREPORTED
How to Help
In addition to keeping your eye out for subtle signs of abuse, be ready for direct conversations with your players.
When you create a team atmosphere of respect and trust, it’s likely athletes will feel more comfortable revealing troubles at home or in their relationships.
Be prepared to have the conversation.
In the moment:
- Find a safe place to talk
- Listen calmly
- Show you care
- Avoid assumptions
- Always believe in the child
- Determine the athlete’s immediate need for safety
- Remember, abuse is never the fault of the victim
Take Action
If you suspect one of your players is being abused:
Call 911 if the child is in immediate danger.
Contact your county’s Child Protective Services. In St. Louis County, call 218-726-2012.
Call your local child advocacy organization. In the Duluth-Superior Area, call First Witness: 218-727-8353.
Contact a representative of your athletic organization.
Follow organizational protocol. If protocols do not exist, suggest your organization contacts Men As Peacemakers to develop them.
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Resources
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